introductions were dumb. if he had his way everyone would already know his name and what he was doing here. but that wasn't the point now was it? the point right now was to make a good entrance into this whole shebang and that's exactly what he was going to do. he was good at entrances at least. that's why he was sitting on the ground right now. looking a little demure in his outfit. he didn't know what people who walked around in caves wore but he figured that he couldn't go wrong with a cute little indiana jones sort of outfit.

after all he was cute and if he was going to make waves he needed to play on that. short shorts instead of those ugly pants and boots that really didn't belong in a cave and yet he had no problem navigating in them. he guessed really that if it wasn't for the hate he would look like a tomb raider or whatever the hell that girl in the blue tank top looked like. but before he could ruminate on that further he figured it was time to get this show on the road. "my name is glitch maverick and-" the ground underneath him began to rumble as he paused on his introduction, erupting in a show of rocks and dirt being flung into the air as he was raised into the air on top of the golisopod that dug itself out from the earth.

"this is bug-juice and twizzler." he indicated with his hand towards a two headed creature coming out of the shadows with no problem. after all both of these pokemon were born and raised in caves. made for dank and dark and disgusting places like this. but as long as there was a prize on the line he would play nice with having to hang out here. "and after all, who knows caves better than a bug and a dragon from the deepest parts of them?" raising his hand he signaled to twizzler with a snap. the zweilous proceeded to scream loudly with its hyper voice, causing the shimmering stalagmites around them to fall. and just when you thought that some damage might be caused or someone might have been hurt, bug-juice moved quickly to shatter them with his claws. causing a shimmering dust to fall around the trio.

"i hope you enjoy the show." even if he had no idea what he was doing or what was going on he would absolutely be confident in whatever he was doing. faking it was the first step to winning after all.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t another Biome Contest, hosted by another three judgés.”

The voice came from across the cavern, where a barefoot girl had just stepped off of a rock and onto the surface of the water. Her feet glowed with psychic energy, leaving barely a ripple with each step as she crossed the inky pool. Her eyes gleamed hungrily— literally, since she hadn’t eaten breakfast— and were fixed on Zac Ramsay .

“You questioned my motives, didn’t you? Well, I can answer that question. It’s childishly simple.” She took the last step off the edge of the water, still facing the three judges. “We’re here to show you something you’ve never seen before.”

Behind her, the pink glow of Psychic remained as a trail of glowing footprints on the unbroken surface of the still pool. The glow brightened, refracting from ice crystals in the cave as the top of a blonde head broke the surface of the water. A humanoid silhouette rose from the depths, locks of waterlogged yellow hair curling and unfurling from the Jynx’s dripping face. It wreathed her head as she floated across the surface of the pond much as Chryssa had done, coming up to stand beside the girl on shore.

“I don’t usually speak during my performances, Zac Ramsay, but since you insist, let me tell you all about all the many hidden parts of Jynx.” The humanoid Pokemon raised both hands to wiggle her dextrous fingers at the judges. “Oona, show them… the secret beneath your dress.”

The hem of Oona’s dress glowed pink and then lifted as if drawn by invisible hands, rippling higher and higher to reveal—!

“Eerily similar to human feet, aren’t they? One could almost say… identical,” Chryssa said, tone dripping with sinister implication. “But that’s not all. Today, I’m going to show you something unprecedented. Something different. Something you never expected, and never knew you wanted to see.” The girl was gloating now, eyes shining, side-by-side with the unforgettable image of Jynx’s dress gliding higher and higher above her purple-skinned ankles. “You and your compatriots will regret taking me lightly, Zac Ramsay. I wonder if Jynx wears underwear? You’ll see for yourself in three... two... one...”

The dress flew up suddenly, revealing two more arms and a mass of claws and purple fingers unfurling in a second set of impossibly thin, spidery limbs. They shot out like snakes suddenly released from a bag, the Jynx’s hidden feet and hands splattering the cave floor as if the dress had been the only thing binding her true, grotesque form. “Aiiieeeee—!” Chryssa screamed theatrically, clutching her face. “No—! It’s too much! I never knew— never thought—”

The Sableye, which had been concealed under Oona’s dress this whole time, got to his feet and made a feeble wave at the judges. Chryssa recovered instantly from her transparent acting. “Oh, she was just giving birth. Baby Smoochum have purple skin when they’re born just like their mothers, did you know that? Say hello, Zuill.”

Instead of saying hello, the half-drowned, half-suffocated ghost Pokemon turned both his hands into claw-shaped, incorporeal shadows and buried them in the cave floor. He rooted around for a moment, then withdrew a double-handful of uncut gemstones, which fell like a chorus of raindrops to the stone. He immediately stuffed both handfuls into his wide, froglike mouth, swallowing them and crunching like breakfast cereal. “Don’t mind his manners, please, he’s actually very resourceful.”

His faceted eyes seemed to catch light, and the stones he’d just swallowed appeared on his back, decorating his spine in faceted gems. A moment later they disappeared again as he re-absorbed their energy to Recover.

“Sableye are quite adept at finding mineral deposits in caves like this— some of them are quite valuable,” Chryssa said cunningly, ignoring the fact she’d just said it was a baby Jynx, “It’s not a bribe, but here’s a bribe. For each of my sweet, sweet friends at the judges’ table—a ruby!”

Zuill scuttled forward and leapt onto the judges’ table. Swaying on his spindly legs, he crept forward on all fours, offering one uncut gemstone to each judge with his best, sharp-toothed smile.

It could have ended there, but during the polite, uncomfortable applause Chryssa’s innocent tones rang out one last time. “Oh, but we can’t forget Oona! She has something to give you three too!” She snapped her fingers.

Sableye used Ally Swap, and in an instant the small purple gremlin squatting on the table was replaced by the bulbous, humanous purple feet of a full-sized Jynx. Still dripping water from her hair, the psychic-type squatted down with her lips pursed, intent to plant a plump, luscious Lovely Kiss on all three judges in appreciation.

Jynx used Psychic
Sableye used Shadow Claw
Sableye used Recover
Sableye used Ally Swap
Jynx used Lovely Kiss

The next contestant would step forward without fanfare. He had many tricks up his sleeve for this contest, but he felt no need to showcase his hand before it was relevant. His face was marked with a dire expression, as if he were taking this challenge very seriously--which he was. Oscar had participated in one contest before, his run ending within the first round with disastrous results. The stakes were low then, but now they couldn't be higher.

Have you seen the biome badge? Like really looked at it? That thing was badass. Oscar saw it in a promotional poster for the last Biome Contest, and regretted immensely not being able to take part. He needed to display this volcano looking wonder of craftsmanship, it would be a sin for it not to be his! 

To compliment his newfound passion for coordinating, Oscar had decided to take on a bit of a dramatic persona. All competitions needed a heel of sorts, someone for the audience to love to hate. It wasn't simply for entertainment though; heavens forbid he should lose, but if he leaves a meaningful impact perhaps it'll be easier on subsequent attempts. 

Although it could also just make his efforts more fun.

As Oscar took the spotlight, decked out in his finest formal ensemble, he would extend his arms out palms up. His hands raised slowly, gloved fingers tensing as they came together. When equal with his head, his fingers would snap. Two winds blew from the cave's ceiling: one chilling yet comforting, and the other harsh and vicious. Two pokemon descended from the ceiling, polar opposites in personality and presence. One was a dazzling Frosmoth, as delicate and graceful as a winter breeze. The other was a menacing crobat, its eyes raging with bloodlust. After twirling around each other, the two would separate and float above Oscar's raised hands.

"Ladies and gentleman of the judging table, allow me to introduce ourselves." His tone was confident, perhaps even a tad smug. "My name is Oscar Clayton, and my companions are known as Writhe--" The frosmoth spun in place, releasing a flurry of snowy scales. "--And Nostra." The crobat also spun, the tips of his wings leaving behind a poisonous trail. Oscar put his hands down, cueing his performers to land at his feet. "Today I hope to display the two sides of this unique and treacherous environment. You shall behold both the beauty of its most dazzling survivalist and its most horrific apex predator. Both are bred to survive in the cold darkness of caves, but the question remains: Who will survive the fittest?" 

Oscar flourished, and his performers gave opposing poses--a hint of the routine to come.

he would never be able to remove that disgusting imagery from his mind on what he had just witnessed. he thought this badge was supposed to be about taking over a biome and not... whatever the hell that jinx had just done. but he didn't have time to worry about that right now. what he needed to focus on was pulling ahead of the other competitors and making sure that he wasn't about to be left in the dust. moving faster than them would mean that he could get a leg up, that he could make sure that he stayed in this competition until the very end. of course that also meant that going on the defensive first would probably be the best bet. as much as he hated that. or at least that would be what it looked like.

"let's show them how a winner does this, let's go bug-juice, let's go twizzler." he didn't have to tell them twice as both of his pokemon were fired up from the experience of getting mostly a good review. it was better than some people's at least. once again they were going to use the cave to their advantage and what some of the other contestants brought with them as well. all of that fucking ice. it was still using the biome if this place was cold enough to support all of that ice, right? glitch snapped his fingers and bug-juice punched into one of the massive accumulations of ice, sending it with a shockwave into the air.

twizzler then used hyper voice to blast the ice towards the other contestants in front of the trio to hope that the ice and sound would cause enough chaos and confusion that no one would notice bug-juice prepping a sucker punch for the first person who got close to them. they might not have a type advantage in this fight but that didn't mean they weren't going to try and kick someone's ass regardless.

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Chryssa Glasgow, Hero of Hoenn, glowed with the adoring praise of her many fans and took the opportunity while Zac explained the next round to... put her shoes back on. Her toes were cold, but she thought the contrast between her (human) feet and Jynx’s (human) feet had been necessary to prove her point— that the judges, and contestants, should tread carefully.

She tilted her head upwards as she tugged on her second boot, studying the ceiling of the tunnel. “There’s Woobats up there,” she said, oozing sinister intentions. “One... two... maybe even ten. How very... apropos.“

This turned out to mean absolutely nothing when the round kicked off and she seemed to forget about them entirely. “Up you go, Zuill,” she said, gathering up her Sableye in both hands and flinging him towards the ceiling like an amateur cook making spaghetti. Zuill flew up, startling the swarm of Woobats into taking wing, and passed right through the ceiling and into the stone.

He did not return.

“All good things in time. And the best thing is yet to come.” Chryssa’s eyes narrowed cunningly, and she opened an umbrella to shield herself against the sudden blizzard blowing through the cave. Her voice came, muffled, from behind it. “That thing being... Jynx’s feet! Again! Observe, or weep in despair!”

Oona (who was sitting on a rock next to her) peeled back her dress again to reveal her feet, which were as bulbous and purple and humanous (a word Chryssa had coined) as usual. But something different was happening— as the Blizzard picked up, something shimmered along the bottom, almost like stink-waves being released from a high schooler’s smelly socks. As Oona raised them higher, exposing them both to the icy pedicure that lanced from toe to heel like frozen lightning, that thing solidified.

Twin blades of ice now ran along the soles of Oona’s feet, gleaming wickedly in the aurora-colored light.

“You fools,” Chryssa whispered menacingly behind her umbrella, “You’ve fallen right into my trap. Skate for it, Oona!”

The Jynx was in motion like a professional speed skater, kicking off her rock and onto the now-frozen water with a shiiing like a sword being drawn from its sheath. Pumping her muscular arms for extra momentum, she slashed across the pool and towards the source of the storm— which appeared to be Kyle’s Ninetales.

As she fought against the bitter winds, her blonde hair came to life and wrapped around her face to shield it like a living ski mask, perfectly equipped to protect her sensitive lips and skin from the frigid wind and subarctic conditions.

Performing a pirouette that evaded the nearby Golisopod’s Sucker Punch, Oona’s dress flared out beautifully from her legs like the scene from The Hunger Games where Delkatniss is spinning on stage, except instead of lighting on fire or revealing her to be a symbol of national rebellion, she just kicked out with the deadly blades of ice attached to her feet. Not just once, but thrrrice!

Triple. Axel. 

Three ice-augmented roundhouse kicks and three close-up, personalized encounters with Jynx’s feet. Chryssa hoped everyone was feeling appropriately grateful.

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SABLEYE WILL BE BACK NEXT WEEK
JYNX USED TRIPLE AXEL

Ululating her battle cry, Oona spun as she leapt, feeling one foot connect with a satisfying shiiing!—

—and then bounced back like she’d hit a rubber ball, all the power of her impact traveling through and rebounding throughout her voluptuous body. With a high-pitched trill of shock, the psychic-type was thrown high into the air from the Counter, still rotating slightly as if this was yet another of her figure skating tricks.

Through the transparent (and snow-covered) plastic of her umbrella, Chryssa eyed Laurence Anderson appraisingly. “Aha. Impressive, Mr. Anderson,” she said snidely behind her hand, “But your efforts won’t win you any favor in this cave. Here, those who know how to use their surroundings will claim the ultimate victory.” Countering her Jynx’s beautiful ice skating maneuver showed Lucario’s power— but it was also an opportunity to show Oona’s versatility in this environment.

One could say Chryssa had a plan.

Snapping her umbrella closed (it was less effective against Telekinesis than against a blowing blizzard) the girl pointed again at the ceiling of the cavern, where the few Woobats she’d startled had returned to their slippery perches. “You haven’t noticed them, have you? They nest here, you know. It’s quite remarkable,” she said out loud, gesturing around the walls. In the faint light of Kyle’s aurora, tiny heart-shaped marks were visible, imprinted on the stone in an overlapping pattern where generations of the little creatures had nested. “Unlike Jynx, they have no feet, so they can’t grip the cracks in the rock like Zubat can.” Her hair whipped around her, adding to the air of dramatic triumph.

“Heart Stamp, Oona.”

Soaring through the air, the low ceiling of the tunnel rushed up to meet Jynx and she pursed her lips, hair unwinding from her face just in time for her to suck in air, forming a perfect heart shape—

There was a loud, squelching sound that echoed and resonated throughout the cave like the world’s biggest Kiss From Auntie.

MWAH!

She stuck to the ceiling.

The result was an opponent suddenly above them, affixed like a red-and-purple chandelier from the top of the cavern. Exactly as Woobat did in the wild, the Jynx swayed and dangled from above as if attached by a living suction cup, providing everyone below with a spectacular view of her mysterious UnderDress™.

“Ohohohoho!” Chryssa laughed, radiating infinite glee. “Icicle Speár!”

Her feet dangling above, Oona kicked off the ice skates she’d formed, sending twin shards of ice speeding down in divine wrath towards the unsuspecting Pokemon below.

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JYNX USED HEART STAMP!
JYNX USED ICICLE SPEAR!